


If you can't kill 'em, try marriage

by FicJunkie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Din Djarin is just done, Gen, Humor, Language, Political Alliances, Post-Season/Series 02, Said in the Steve Rogers kinda way, Sorry Not Sorry, The Mandalorian Darksaber (Star Wars), Tropes, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28574115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FicJunkie/pseuds/FicJunkie
Summary: Din watched as Grogu left, not knowing how much his life was about to change.  He had the Darksaber, and little else now.  And he was about to learn just how far Bo-Katan was willing to go to get it.Unapologetic crackfic taking place immediately post The Rescue.
Relationships: Din Djarin & Bo-Katan Kryze
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	If you can't kill 'em, try marriage

They watched the door close, the room silent save for the soft chimes as the elevator moved down. No one seemed to want to move, all still in a daze at the sight of a Jedi. A part of him was lost; Grogu was gone and he had broken the creed. And now he had this weapon that made him nervous. One he’d never asked for. He didn’t see the point in hiding himself any longer, taking a deep breath before turning to face the group. He avoided their stares, not sure what he would find in their gazes.

“Damn!” 

He turned to look at Fennec, her eyes memorizing every part of his face. “What?” he snapped.

“If I had known you were that hot, I would have let you catch me,” she smirked. “The fanfic would have been all kinds of kinky. I should look up our pairing on AO3.”

He stared at her dumbly, not understanding. “Wait? Are we breaking the fourth wall in this?”

“Well obviously. It’s a crackfic so let’s get back to the so-called ‘plot’. Now help me out ladies,” she said to the group.

He looked around at the other women, trying to get an idea of what she was talking about. Bo-Katan’s second was licking her lips as she looked at him, her thoughts almost written on her forehead. It was a fluke surely, turning to see Cara. They were friends, or at least as close to friends as he’d allowed himself, but she simply raised an eyebrow at him, smirking. He turned to Bo-Katan, his only hope for this madness to stop but was surprised to see her looking at him thoughtfully.

“She’s plotting on how to kill you, Mando,” a snide voice said from the floor.

Din had had enough of the man, kicking him in the head to silence him. “There’s already too many characters, so just shut up.”

“And please,” what’s her name said sarcastically. “She’s trying to figure out how to get him in an arranged marriage, so she still gets to rule Mandalore. There’re not enough men left, and his ass is waaaaayyyy too fine to waste! Tropes to the rescue!”

His gaze snapped to Bo’s, surprised as she shrugged and gave a nod. “I was just going to kill you actually, but I like her plan better.”

“I told you to just take the thing!” he shouted, dropping it on the floor. “I don’t want the stupid sword! I got this cool spear thing!”

“Can we get back to the plot, people! Honestly, the more I think about this, the more it works,” she continued, pacing in front of him. “I’ve got most of the remaining clans on my side already and you can get me those religious zealots! This is perfect!”

“I’m not marrying you!” he shouted. “I barely know you!”

She shook her head, waving a hand dismissively. “Like that matters. It’s all for show anyway. You won the Darksaber, so they’ll want to follow you, but I’ll be the one running things. I need to marry you now before someone else sees those soulful brown eyes. Women eat that shit up. And you’re good with kids, someone is going to snatch you up like that!” she finished with a snap of her fingers.

“Sabine would climb him like a tree,” her helper, associate, whatever it was called agreed.

Bo nodded. “Plus, she had the Darksaber too, it’ll cause problems. The Rebels fans are already bitching about it.”

“Who the hell is Sabine?” he asked.

“The only other female Mandalorian in this time period,” she explained. “We’ll have to wait until next season to see how that works out.”

He let out a groan, wanting this whole thing over. “Whatever! Just take the Darksaber!” he yelled at her again. Since when did he yell this much? But he went along with it because of that whole lack of agency thing and it’s crackfic and he was supposed to be a little OOC.

Bo rolled her eyes, walking over to pick it up only to shove it against his chest. He caught it reflexively. “Didn’t you listen?” she asked sarcastically. “I have to win it in battle, or it doesn’t count! The Rebels fans and their bitching!”

“So, fight me!”

“No, no, no,” she continued, “you’ll just lose on purpose! Marrying is a much better idea.”

“Who’s getting married?” Boba asked.

They all turned to look at his entrance, so completely absorbed, none of them had noticed his arrival. Or plot convenience. Probably that one. Fennec laughed, walking over to him. “You missed it, but he beat the hell out of that guy and won the sword thing and now the princess wants to marry him!” she explained. “This is the funniest shit I’ve seen in years!”

Boba looked him over, smiling gleefully. “You won the Darksaber? She must be fuming mad at that!”

He rolled his eyes, walking over to the man. “Then you take it! I don’t want this thing!”

Boba shook his head, still grinning. “Oh, she’ll have no problem with trying to kill me,” he replied. “I’m getting my own show and I won’t have some crazy Mando following me around trying to murder me over a sword. And since I saw the kid leave with Solo’s Jedi friend, our deal is done.”

Din had no idea why Boba would get his own show. He had no idea who Solo was. Honestly, he had no idea who the hell he had given Grogu to for that matter. Today was just fucked if he was telling the truth. But the guy was a badass so it must have been a good idea. It’s not like the people in charge would let some maniac with a lightsaber slaughter a bunch of kids at a Jedi Temple. Again. That was just lazy writing. Boba just waved cheerfully before returning to be in character, Fennec trailing after him with a wistful look back, muttering about missing the drama. He had no idea what was going on anymore.

“Um, you realize they were our ride, right?” Cara reminded him.

“Dank farrik!”

Bo-Katan smiled maliciously. “Guess you’re stuck with me now, lover boy.”

He needed her to see reason. He approached her cautiously, putting on his helmet for safety reasons. He needed to be prepared just in case she tried something, no one had ever explained a Mandalorian marriage ceremony to him. Bo pouted when he did, making him all the more pleased with the decision. No one had explained anything to him really if his time with the kid was anything to go by. He was starting to think he was a complete and utter himbo like they called him on Tumblr. 

“I’m going to take that thing away from you,” she grumbled. “After I get those wack jobs you grew up with to join my cause first.” 

“Will you just take the damn thing? I just want to go back to being a bounty hunter. I have an image to maintain!”

She sighed, moving to adjust his cape. “Why are you still wearing a cape? That just seems like a bad idea now that you have a jet pack, sweetie,” he told him as she brushed off some lint.

He wasn’t about to explain his aesthetic, so he used the opportunity, letting himself crash to the floor. “You’ve bested me!” he cried out. “The stupid sword thing is yours!” He tossed it in her general direction before playing dead for a moment.

“Nope!”

“Nah.”

“Really?”

“It needs to be a fight to the death!” Gideon yelled.

Unable to ignore the chorus of voices, he brushed himself off, kicking the Imp again for good measure. “Rock, paper, scissors?” he tried.

She crossed her arms over her chest and gave a firm head shake. “You’d probably just cry if you won.”

“I don’t cry!” he pouted. 

“Yeah, we all just saw you do the single tear man cry thing,” Cara stated. “You’ve been shoved in the soft sensitive DILF category - deal with it.” 

“Fine, then what do we do?” he asked honestly. “I’m not marrying you; the shippers would throw a fit!”

“That’s it!” she cried out, smiling broadly.

They all looked at Bo-Katan like she was crazy. “The fandom is the answer! We let them write all their crazy theories until this stupid two-year wait is over!”

Braid chick nodded. “I think that’s our only choice.”

The group all agreed, there was little choice considering. All they could do was appear in fics and be talked about in metas to survive the hiatus. The only other option was horrible … discourse. And that was the path to the Darkside. If he actually knew what the Darkside was because of the whole himbo thing. “So, we’re forced to let people write our fates. In their spare time?” 

“This is the Way.” 

“That’s not what that actually means, you know,” he sighed.

“Who cares? There’s no rules to fanfic,” Bo replied. “So, lets plan that wedding.”

“Go find the fanfic for that yourself, I’m out,” he replied, heading for the elevator. There had to be a ship he could steal to get out of this mess.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a screenshot from a discord I'm on where Bo brushes lint of Din so he plays dead to give her the darksaber. If you know where the original post is, please let me know so I can link to it.


End file.
